It has been such a privilege to play a small role in growing awareness and linking people with post-bump essentials and their caring community to help equip them for this period of their lives.
Thank you so much to each of you — our customers, friends and family — who have supported us from Day 1. Your enthusiasm for our idea, your first-hand inputs into product design, every positive review or referral have meant the world to us. Thank-you from the bottom of our hearts.
That said, we are excited to announce that Mom Friends will be transitioning ownership this July. We met Karen earlier this year and have been blown away by her enthusiasm to carry on the mission of Mom Friends. She has as much passion for our mission as we do, and many skills and fresh ideas to carry it forward. Mom Friends is in very capable hands.
We only ask three favours as we depart:
Wishing all the best to Karen as she takes the helm, and signing off with love,
Aviva, Lisa and Liz.
]]>My postpartum recovery was hard and parenting during a pandemic is also hard…..AF. Yes I love them but we weren’t meant to spend this much time with each other. My patience is thin, my anxiety is the highest it’s ever been & my husband and I don’t have the physical help we used to have. But let this be a constant reminder that I need to let the little things go, be easy on them and most importantly on myself. You want ice cream for lunch, ok! You want me to push you in a stroller around the block and pretend you’re a baby (you’re almost 6!), fine whatever! You want to watch YouTube videos of another kid playing with his toys, fine! In the grand scheme of things, it’s not the be all-end all and right now we, as a family of two working parents and two kids, are just in survival mode.
I’m thinking back to 4 years ago, when we were getting ready to launch our business and I had just delivered a baby. So what did I do? Well, I just wrote how hard postpartum was so I rested in bed while my nipples were cracked, my stitches were healing, my hemmies were out of control and my hormones were through the roof. I wasn’t sleeping as my youngest daughter sure loved to feed every 1.5 hours but I still managed to take the time to heal because I was in physical pain. So now, while I am not in physical pain, I now have the mental pain. It’s not about when but how will I take the time to heal? This is a reminder to walk lots, take baths, whatever I need to heal from the mental struggle of pandemic parenting, constantly worrying about the safety of my family and friends, and just the energy it takes to get through this in addition to everyday life.
Yesterday we bought a car. Well let’s back up a bit. We’ve been wanting this for a while, we are coming out of yet again another Covid-positive class case isolation and we thought to ourselves why wait? Well the girls were excited to say the least! We drove around with nowhere to go but of course ended up at Mcdonald's. Remember my love for Mcdonald's, well my daughters have also inherited that from me. While we were eating our late night “treat nuggets”, I asked my oldest daughter what filled her bucket today and she said being together. Wow….. I mean she’s not sick of us? I can sure use a break. But she’s focused on what we have, not what we don’t have, which was a good reminder for me.
When I called my father last night to talk about how we will be able to celebrate my daughter’s birthday since our plan of getting together next weekend has just been kibosh-ed and just in general how I’m struggling right now, he reminded me as hard as this is, remember this too shall pass. In August 2019, my dad had hip surgery and a couple months after fell. His hip got injured and the surgeon told him this type of injury has never happened before. It took him a year to walk properly and with confidence again and he said to me “because I knew I could, I didn’t let the injury beat me and this too shall pass”. Needless to say he’s walking fine again, he walks everyday and is thankful that his hip is intact. So I remind myself, this too shall pass. I will be able to see my family & friends again, I will be able to finally take that Mexico trip that was cancelled in March 2020, I will get my energy again from being an extrovert, I will do whatever I want especially with a new outlook. I look forward to it! Saying to myself this too shall pass gives me hope.
Until this is all over, stay healthy, stay safe, stay sane & love to you all. We will get through this. - Aviva
]]>Having given birth on March 13th, the exact day the NBA said we needed to get serious about COVID-19, I thought I'd take some time to provide a bit of a new mom pandemic survival guide.
The good news? You (we) will get through this.
The difficult news? It will not be what you expected. Becoming a new mom rarely reflects societal expectations, and with a whole new road map to society you may be feeling especially disoriented (I am).
So here are some tips on what to expect and some strategies for getting through new mom'ing in this new normal.
1) Be ready for sudden policy changes at your place of birth.
Parenthood is often about letting go of plans and expectations. For many of us that letting go starts during pregnancy and delivery. Health teams across Canada have been moving quickly to respond to changing information these past few months. Often policies are made swiftly and communication may lag. In my experience I had planned for my older son to cut the cord at the birth centre, yet we discovered that just three hours before while I was in active labour (and not checking email) the centre had been forced to deny visitors. I wasn't ready for that. I'm not sure how I could have been ready for that. But, try to get in a flexible head space if you can.
2) Plan to change diapers and do feedings in the car.
If you're out for a ride with baby it is more likely that there will not be a place to stop indoors. If this is a stressful proposition for you ask a support to run your errands for you, or take steps to make the experience more of an adventure than a nightmare. pack an extra top for yourself in case the 'in the lap' diaper change gets out of hand (out of diaper). Have some calming music at the ready if you feel overwhelmed. Park the car in a place that you deem to be safe.
3) Connect with other new parents.
It's critical to have community around right now. A community that you can laugh and cry with at the absurdity of things like I am mentioning in number 2. I recommend finding parenting friends through your network. Ask friends you know if they know others who will or have given birth recently and get an introduction. There are also many mom support groups staying active online such as Mommy Connections. Check them out and see if they work for you!
4) Talk about your needs with people you trust.
This may be a time when you feel even less keen to talk about any struggles you're having as a new parent. It is difficult in the best of times to tell others that not all things about having a baby are roses. Right now you may be doing some self talk about how your struggles are nothing compared to Vicki who got laid off or Verna whose grandma is in a long-term care home with an outbreak. But you are going through a gigantic moment in your life. One that also needs to be acknowledged and deeply supported. When you open up about your struggles, your loved ones may feel more welcome to do the same. Your well-being is critical for the well-being of your baby as well. If you've had a rough day, call out. If you're nervous about visits ask friends and family to drop off things you need at the door or ask a friend to throw a virtual baby shower or sip and see party. Chances are they're asking themselves how they could help you, don't be afraid to ask!
5) Grieve.
I had a good cry last week with a friend. It took months for me to form the words and say out loud that despite giving birth to a beautiful baby boy, I am also grieving. I am grieving the loss of community around my new baby and I am grieving not being able to have professional newborn pictures of him. If you are feeling loss take a pause to talk about it and connect with others. You are not alone and it is not selfish to grieve during this time.
6) Show your baby the world, and show the world your baby.
Get out as much as you can (safely). Get on video calls, even if it's just for five minutes to introduce your beautiful baby. For the first three months my son has only ever met people through video, and he has only been held by the three adults in our house. This is kind of heartbreaking (see 5). BUT last week at a distanced driveway hang a friend took a good few minutes to really gaze at my son. He told me how beautiful and heatlhy he looks. We discussed who in the family he takes after. We joked about his explosive poops. My mental well-being absolutely soared after that brief exchange. It is 'mother's pride' and I didn't realize it was something I was missing so badly. Despite loving all of the extra time our small bubble has had with my son, it is important for the wider community to coo and coddle (from afar).
This is certainly not an exhaustive list of ways to survive the pandemic as a new mom. But it's a start. What would your tips be for new moms during this time?
Photo by Rahul Pandit from Burst
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But when that day comes, here are six brilliant ways to repurpose your perineal bottle:
Whether in the bathtub or sink, the flow from the peri bottle is controllable, gentle and the perfect amount to get out the soap.
Fill the bottle with water and a few drops of food colouring and you have a fun winter art project on your hands!
Seeds need very regular, very light watering when they're showing their first delicate sprouts. Peri flow is a perfect option!
No child learns how to wipe 100% the first thousand times. Sometimes a little water can help.
Enough said.
For adults and babies alike. Keep it fresh!
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Black lives matter. There is a lot we as white people can, and must do to act against racism in all of its forms. This is our work to do. We understand that the surge of activism during the past few weeks is only one chapter in a lifetime of steps towards meaningful change.
Here are some steps we have taken this past week to do better. We are sharing with hope these steps will make a small contribution towards a broader and deeper anti-racism effort from coast to coast.
Wishing you peace and care.
We wrote to a publisher of children's workbooks (Caractere) to demand more diverse representation among its characters (don't even get us started on this one). We will strive to share stories of diverse parenthood and postpartum experiences and to represent positive images of visible minority lives in our content.
Along with our nearest and dearest we have broken the whitewashed nature of a few of our closest white-dominant friend circles. Our weekly virtual friend hangout has transformed into three hour long seminars to share what we have learned and how we can do better. It has been a deeply connecting and vulnerable experience. In other spaces we're committing and supporting one another in the straight up uncomfortable work of calling out racist rhetoric.
Thank you for reading and for sharing further resources, corrections, clarifications... We remain students.
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As our business has grown this year we have decided it's time to begin openly exploring who we can team up with in our final year, to strategically pass the torch as it burns most brightly.
In short: We're busy and expanding, and we're looking for some one or some few to partner with us now with a view to take over the business in 2021.
We are Aviva, Lisa and Liz in Ottawa. We first hit launch on Mom Friends in 2017. While Aviva and Lisa are active in the business, Liz is a silent partner. Learn more about us here.
That's not a question we can answer 100%. We believe the best teams are built around diverse strengths and interests. It's what has worked so well for us since we began. That said, here are some attributes that have thrived in our team dynamic, that we would hope to find in a new partner or new partners for the next year:
We are eager to explore partnership now so that if someone or some few take over Mom Friends in a year's time they are set up as best as possible to succeed.
Here is what an incoming partner can expect from us:
So, we're putting this out there! It's scary and exciting and we are ready for the conversations and learning that will come with this next leg of our journey.
Maybe it's time for a conversation. Contact us if you felt a spark as you read this, or please consider sharing this with someone who may feel a spark.
All our best,
The team
Photo Credit: Grey Loft Studio
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We wish it were not under these circumstances. We wish so many things for you that are not in the cards right now: In-person baby showers with family and friends, prenatal classes with other expecting families, doula care, bedside visitors...
Thank you for thinking of us to help you prepare for postpartum care and to help others with postpartum care from afar through these difficult times.
Thank you for supporting small, local and owner-operated businesses all across Canada.
We wish you many joyful and healthy, baby-poop-filled moments in May.
April showers bring May flowers.
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Art is such a comfort for us right now. Here is a song we'd like to share from the band Hey Rosetta about welcoming baby. We have never been able to get through it with dry eyes, but in the best way possible:
"You'll be a bright light, coming out of the dark"
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Photo credit for this post goes to talented photographer and friend Caleb Ficner. He is currently generously booking Gratitude Sessions here in Ottawa. The idea is to book a 1 hour photo session and receive a 1 hour Gratitude Session to gift to anyone whose efforts you have appreciated during the pandemic. (Photo sessions to take place in Ottawa once physical distancing measures are lifted)
Check out more of his work here and inquire about these sessions here.
Thanks Caleb!!
]]>If you have questions or concerns that aren't addressed here please reach out and let us know how we can help.
It’s not a flashy milestone to most.
But it means the world to us, so we thought we’d pull the curtains back on our business model in order to share some truths about entrepreneurship and to celebrate.
Simply-put, being cash-flow positive means that our business is no longer a volunteer gig.
Yas! After 3.5 years we are (finally!) able to start paying ourselves.
It may be surprising, but this is a very common story. Most inventory-based businesses (like ours) reach cash-flow positive somewhere in the range of 3-5 years. Many don’t and are forced to pack it in.
This harsh reality is because inventory-based businesses start up with heavy inventory costs. It takes time to break out from those cycles financially. But last month, we did!
Ecommerce has a bit of a textbook success story which may sound familiar to you – Source some tshirts, print designs or trendy sayings on them (or Donald Trump’s face), and have them dropshipped to your customers. Businesses like this take work – all businesses do; but the up-front investment is avoided.
That’s just not our story.
Running a business is a marathon, not a sprint. If you're in it for the long haul it's so important to start up with a clear definition of what success looks like. For many entrepreneurs (this team included), success is a blend of getting paid, but also building community.
As you may recall, three and a half years ago when Mom Friends started we were inspired first and foremost by our mission to spread postpartum care and awareness across Canada. For better or worse, dropshipping tshirts just wasn't going to scratch that itch. Here is what does…
Our business is founded on connection and care. Thanks to our inventory-based model we get to play a first-hand role in both.
We are motivated by:
Without carrying our own inventory we would miss each of these interactions, and more. Whether it’s a small shop, restaurant, or inventory-based ecommerce site; when you buy from an owner-operated business, you are supporting community with every purchase.
So we have worked hard, and we will continue to work hard.
But we are no longer putting in long, unpaid hours, fuelled only by our belief that more parents across Canada should feel supported during postpartum rest and recovery.
Trust me, it’s a great mission to be a part of. But today, we are sharing and celebrating this special accomplishment by buying each other a drink and making a toast with the money we have earned.
So, that’s all for now. A super businessy update. Thanks for following our journey, and for supporting new parents with postpartum care, always!
PS: We know that there are so many entrepreneurs out there who are in love with their mission like us, but who are struggling to reach the same milestone. If you’re in the thick of it and could use an understanding ear REACH OUT! It can be tough and lonely, and we know how lucky we are to be supported by each other as a team as well as businesses in our network. Don't go it alone!
]]>We’re sharing this post to grow awareness about postpartum psychosis and brainstorm some suggestions for anyone who is struggling with the question; “How can I support my friend who has postpartum psychosis?”
The following is about one lived experience of postpartum psychosis and support. Some of it may be difficult to read. The information here shouldn’t be considered medical advice. Call a crisis line or visit an emergency room immediately if you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms we discuss.
Genna explains to me that postpartum psychosis, while rare (affecting 1 to 2 out of every 1,000 deliveries), can also be very dangerous. When it emerges, usually in the first two weeks postpartum, it comes at a time when the birth parent, their baby and their supports are already vulnerable.
Postpartum Support International explains that the major symptoms of postpartum psychosis could include strange beliefs, hallucinations, extreme irritation, hyperactivity, inability to sleep or lack of sleep, paranoia, mood swings and difficulty communicating.
The first time I visited with Genna after her daughter’s birth I had heard that she had experienced something called psychosis, but I had no idea what that something was, and I assumed she had made a full recovery.
As we sat down for dinner the moment arrived for Genna and her partner to tell the birth story - a sort of rite of passage for new parents. Contractions, calling the midwife, heading to the hospital, surgery… all pretty standard bumps and hiccups and healthy birth stuff. I can’t remember if there was a dramatic pause in the room, but then Genna and her partner delved into their postpartum experience, and Genna’s psychotic episodes.
Genna’s strongest psychosis symptoms were related to seeing symbols and signs all around her. Colours vibrated, she foresaw the future. Genna was driven to express and document her revelatory episodes by writing, photographing and even recording video as the compelling thoughts and beliefs raced by.
Postpartum Support International explains that because the psychotic episodes feel so real and meaningful postpartum psychosis can be life-threatening, with a 5% suicide rate and a 4% infanticide rate associated with the illness.
Together in the cafe we revisit Genna’s most difficult memories. She reveals to me that in her scariest moment she felt an impending doom. She thought her breast milk had turned rancid and took action to dispose of it immediately. In a terrifying moment she saw a future where her baby girl was blue and not breathing. She had a panic attack and was rushed to hospital where she would begin her path to wellness.
Genna describes this period of her life as helpless. During that first visit I had with her she had been out of hospital only a matter of days. She was stable, but she wouldn’t be able to be left alone with her daughter for another few weeks. It would take the better part of a year before she felt like herself again.
Through all of this I was so ignorant. I shudder now to say that I laughed at her stories of strange beliefs and hallucination. I laughed when she told me about insisting they buy Apple stock because apples are a symbol of life. I mean isn’t that so crazy?
I ask her what she remembers about my support and she graciously refers to a card which she has kept. With information and empathy I could have done such a better job of supporting her and her family.
But, when we know better, we do better. And now Genna is able to share with us all the helpful and not-so-helpful actions that were taken with good intentions in her service through postpartum psychosis. Hopefully some of these are helpful for you too:
Be there: Genna was able to count on incredible support from her partner and their families through the crisis. Genna warns me that during my first visit as well as the hour-long checkup with her midwife she was able to hide her symptoms. Only those who spent a lot of time with her were able to see the changes over a matter of days.
Observe cues: Genna tells me that if a new mother is not able to sleep that is a huge sign that something is wrong. Other telltale signs include panic attacks and saying things aloud that seem irrational. We brainstorm some approaches that a friend could take if they’re concerned: “How are you sleeping? Are you able to get some rest?” is an understated way to learn how things are going and start a conversation.
Talk it through: When Genna’s symptoms started to surface, her family became worried, but were also unsure of what they were witnessing. In family meetings they wondered with each other if it was lack of sleep or the baby blues. It can be helpful to work through your doubts and do some validation with others. A crisis line is also a great resource.
Take action: Genna stresses that when it’s time to seek medical attention, it’s important that friends and family show confidence in the plan towards care and wellness. She underscores that it’s critical to encourage the person suffering to trust the advice and recommendations of the healthcare providers and to speak up clearly about your concerns and the symptoms you are seeing with professionals.
Once a crisis has passed, there is so much more we can do. Genna offers a few suggestions for longer term mental health allyship.
Check your language: Using terms like ‘looney bin,’ ‘crazy,’ or ‘whack job’ in passing hurts. Remember that most people around you at work, at school and in your neighbourhood have experience with a serious mental health challenge themselves or with the people they love.
Prevention: If you know someone who has mental health challenges and is pregnant, lend your support early, before they give birth. Genna mentions that she often wondered about how her mental health would be after she delivered, but felt brushed aside when inquiring specifically about postpartum psychosis. Genna sees an opportunity for prevention to start even before pregnancy. Looking back, she believes using cannabis in her youth helped trigger her illness. She's already brainstorming ideas to help her daughter avoid cannabis, especially because of her genetic predisposition. She recommends others with young loved ones think about doing the same.
The drugs do work: During her episodes and to this day Genna hears well-meaning friends and acquaintances casually downplay the need for medication to address mental health disorders. ‘You’ll only need it for a little while.’ I’ll admit this is one I catch myself saying. Casting taking medication as a weakness is really, really unhelpful. Let’s not add that pressure to our friends and loved ones who are struggling.
Learn more: So many of us don’t know what to do in a mental health emergency. Genna urges everyone to sign up for mental health first aid courses often offered in workplaces and community.
Postpartum Support International concludes their info reminding us that postpartum psychosis is temporary and treatable. If Genna and her partner try for another baby they can form an action plan and breastfeeding-friendly medication regimen in advance of delivery. While postpartum psychosis is an emergency situation which requires immediate help, it is something that you can recover from to enjoy life as an accomplished parent, professional, partner and friend.
It takes guts to rise against stigma and be open about such a difficult experience. Genna, I am so grateful for your voice and your leadership.
]]>The Birth Talks is a totally badass series created and produced in Ottawa by Mai Ngo. The mission of the show since its start a couple of years ago is to find and share “… birth conversations that get left out of the mainstream.” She welcomes first-hand experts to share perspectives on pregnancy, birthing and postpartum from an intersectional and reproductive justice lens; perspectives that are often unheard next to the dominant narratives developed and reproduced by white privilege.
I have been keen to share some takeaways from this podcast for a while. At first my plan was to create a post that detailed every grain of wisdom and nuance about feminism and birthing that this show has imparted on me. However, when I hit six pages of notes just five episodes in I realized that I couldn’t possibly put into one page all of the lessons this podcast has for a white, cis-gendered, straight tadpole of a feminist such as myself. So you’ll have to take what I found in the first five episodes as a teaser and add this to your favourites yourself.
For the following post I have used direct quotes when I was having a ‘hell ya’ moment during listening, but the rest of the writing is my own interpretation of what I’m learning as a student of intersectional feminism and reproductive justice. I welcome feedback. Here goes:
In the debut episode of the podcast we listen to people musing about what their uterus would tell them if it could speak. At first there is a lot of giggling, but almost all respondents arrive at a deeper reflection about the connections between their uterus and their overall well-being and self-identity. It’s pretty cool.
A few of my reflections from these reflections:
Ok, so some of you took a second to listen to your uterus just now. Mine is asking for a hot compress and a hug. But it’s time to get intersectional.
In episode two Mikki Bradshaw explains that intersectional feminism goes beyond the white feminist notion of male/female equality. It goes beyond trying to boil our identities and the levels and layers of oppression beyond gender to include racism, sexism, classism, ableism, homophobia, Islamophobia and more. Intersectional feminism insists that varied layers of identity exist in concert with one-another. Each of us has more than one identity, and each of us will experience the world differently as a result.
“Think of it like a highway. So, intersectionality is like a complex system of roads zig-zagging, crossing over one another. Sometimes when you look at a highway that’s really complex you don’t know where one starts and where one begins. What are these multiple identities? What are these multiple oppressions? What are the systems that cause these oppressions?”
In 2019 feminism without intersectionality is stale and gross, and we can’t undo the harm that white feminism has had in marginalizing basically everyone that isn’t white, straight and binary. We have a long way to go.
In episode three Krysta and Denise, two Indigenous full spectrum doulas explain how the term feminism as it’s usually understood is very colonialist. As their communities reflect the experience of Indigenous communities across Canada and the world, Krysta and Denise explain how to them the survival of their people in the face of centuries of genocide is the ultimate feminism.
“I’m here because they were feminists before feminism became a thing. They survived.”
Mai, Krysta and Denise discuss a very tangible, yet often unconsidered oppression against Indigenous birth parents from rural and remote communities who were stripped of their birth rights – the right to choose where, when and how to give birth. During the 1970s it became mandatory for births to occur in hospitals. Pregnant people were no longer allowed their ceremony, tradition or midwifery care and were forced to travel long distances to give birth. Imagine delivering 500 kilometers from home, without any friends or family, surrounded by medical professionals who don’t speak your language and don’t look like you. I can feel my contractions slowing just thinking about it.
This was touched on in a few episodes, and could be sensitive for some – but as we’ll learn intersectional feminism can get hella uncomfortable for those of us that are privileged. That’s how you know it’s working!
Why do we need to pay for a class to learn how to wear our babies as cultures around the world have done for millennia? Are the parents who don’t pay for such classes bad parents because they already have that knowledge from their auntie and/or they can’t afford it? Do you have to be wealthy to be a good parent? Who is able to pay to become a certified doula and benefit from the ‘business’ of birthing? Who has access to doula support? These are big and complex questions but the lesson here is we need to talk about it more.
In the next episode Professor Candace Johnson from the University of Guelph shares her research expertise on cultural perceptions of the ‘natural birth movement’ vs. ‘medicalized’ approaches in Canada and around the world.
Parents make tons of seemingly life-threatening decisions every day and many of these decisions, no matter how big they feel can’t be boiled down to good vs. evil. This is (just one part of) what makes parenting hard.
Dr. Johnson warns that in Canada we are living in a culture that paints maternal care options as dichotomous and even combative: You either go all-natural and vaginal with a midwife or you go with hospital care where you will for sure experience a more medical and perhaps even surgical approach, (which I guess is bad? Even writing this it just doesn’t make sense but I have felt this too).
The more we reproduce this farce, the more we work against patient-centered care where ultimately the birth parent pursues the best route for themselves with the informed guidance and practice of professionals. Dr. Johnson signs off encouraging more discussion and openness to integrated care where professionals such as midwives, nurses, doctors and surgeons all do what they do best, collaboratively and with the patient in mind first.
In the final episode of the first series of The Birth Talks Vanessa Borjon from Bitch Media gives us some cues on how to consider and work towards becoming an ally against all of these reproductive injustices we are learning about.
She explains that reproductive justice is easier to think of when you look at the injustices; the types and levels of oppression impact someone’s right to reproduction, their right to choice, their right to access appropriate care and more. If you aren’t marginalized or haven’t heard from marginalized people it’s harder to spot and understand reproductive injustices.
Once we acknowledge injustices because we’re not total jerks we should want to become allies and push against them. Vanessa explains that it’s easy to announce you’re not racist or homophobic but there is a lot of work to do beyond that in order to support the people whose lives are on the line. Further, those of us who have a lot of privilege are called upon to put the energy and resources we have into this work to help everyone see the humanity in society’s most oppressed communities.
While we learn here that there is no universal checklist to become an ally, we are provided in this episode with cues that we can integrate into our process of becoming:
I feel like I just wrapped up my final paper in some ‘Introduction to Intersectional Feminism and Reproductive Justice’ class. Even if I flunk it my eyes are open and I’m so excited. The good news is that there are plenty more lessons already uploaded online and a new series of The Birth Talks will be out later this spring!
One more little gem from the show for us to acknowledge – not all people who give birth are moms. While we’re Mom Friends, and we embrace and joke about that cliché label for ourselves, we’re so glad that life is more complex than that and we can’t wait to hear more.
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For those of you who are considering or committing to cloth we thought we'd check in with a cloth diapering expert (Anna from Bumbini) to help you weigh your options and navigate the world of reusable.
Tell us about the inspiration for Bumbini! We love a good origin story, where did the idea and motivation come from?
Bumbini is quite near to my heart, as it pays homage to my Italian heritage. The name is a combination of the word “bum” and “bambini” (Italian word for baby).
Our core vision is founded on the principles of quality, convenience, style, comfort and value for your money. We are committed to delivering cloth diaper products that are simple to use, better for you, your baby and the environment, all while making them accessible and affordable to all.
What are some tips you’d offer to an expecting family considering cloth diapering? What diapers to buy?
Gone are the days of stiff fabrics and dreaded safety pins! Today, you have a vast selection in cloth diapers such as fabrics available, colours, designs, and prints.
Cloth diapers have definitely come a long way and are not as complicated as what most parents think.
It's 2018 - we get to stock diapers with beautiful, vibrant colours, the softest cloths and modern designs.
If you're buying cloth diapers new I recommend buying from a retailer who also provides support to cloth diapering parents. Read up on blogs, watch some videos and access workshops to learn about cloth diapering and diaper trial programs.
Perhaps the biggest misconception about cloth diapering is the “ick” factor. How can families who wish to do cloth diapering mitigate this? Or is really a myth?
This is really a myth. Despite public perceptions, cloth diapers do not leak any more than disposable diapers, and are less irritating so babies are less likely to experience diaper rashes. Cloth diapers are also soft, comfortable and made of natural fibres without the chemicals found in disposable diapers.
What positive impact can cloth diapering have on our wallets and planet?
There are many reasons that parents choose to cloth diaper such as environmental, financial and health to name a few.
Did you know that ……………
When you consider a diapering commitment of 2 – 4 years, disposable diapers become very expensive for families, in fact by several thousands of dollars! As the financial cost is spread across the diapering stage, families don't necessarily see how expensive using disposable diapers really become. The time and energy that goes into using disposable diapers soon outweighs the convenience. For instance you will likely spend time watching sales to find the best deals and running out to buy diapers in bulk.
Contrast this to cloth diapers: just 1 cloth diaper replaces 240 disposable diapers! So let’s do a little bit of math to figure out how many cloth diapers that one would need to have for their baby’s entire diaper phase? Also factoring in the calculation of doing laundry every 2 to 3 days, you would only need 26 - 30 cloth diapers for your baby with an upfront investment cost of $400 -$600, as a result, saving a few thousand of dollars for your family.
Unlike disposable, you can reuse cloth diapers with subsequent children, increasing your savings by $4,000 - $6,000. What's more cloth diapers have excellent resale value - you can get as much as half of the money spent on cloth diapers back.
It's also said that children in cloth potty train much earlier and easier, as early as 18 months.
Facilitating potty training? Conserving the environment and your wallet?? Anna has made a pretty good pitch right? If you're sold on cloth diapering and are considering making the investment Bumbini is offering free shipping to Canadians if you spend $75 or more. Thanks Anna!
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So how do you dive into the world of finding a babysitter who isn’t friend or family? Like many parents I was fairly apprehensive about it being a local teenager versus fully grown adult with some knowledge of caring for an infant, especially of something went wrong.
We decided to ask Alison Nannies on Call for some tips about finding (and keeping) a great caregiver for your child. With over seventeen years of experience and 26,000 full and part-time nanny placements we figured they know their stuff about childcare matchmaking!
There is no real average age for parents to feel ready. Sometimes you never feel completely ready and that’s ok too. For example, we work with parents from newborn all the way to the teenager years. It depends a lot on the parents confidence levels and if they have other children in the house that can make a difference. If you are hiring someone you haven’t met before and feel nervous about that it’s a good idea to have a quality meet and greet in advance and even meet with a few before you decide.
According to the College of Early Childhood Educators, early childhood educators assess and design curriculum according to an individual child’s needs and plan programs and environments for play and activities that help children make developmental progress within healthy, nurturing and challenging play environments.
The College stipulates that it’s members are professionals who must meet the entry to practice requirements and standards of practice. This means that parents may be assured that their children are in the care of a qualified professional.
Allison let us know that many of the Nannies on Call nannies have completed their Early Childhood Education certification, however many other nannies out there come with years of experience which counts for a lot too, with or without the certification.
Some good etiquette for working with nannies includes: Good communication, Being clear on your expectations and household duties, discussing the children's day to day routines (feeding, napping and activities), any allergies, medical or behavioral concerns etc...
Still stumped on where to find a good sitter? Luckily Nannies on Call is operating in major cities across Canada. As a thoughtful bonus each nanny brings a "Nanny Bag" to each booking which contains arts and crafts, toys and books for the children -Mary Poppins style.
Whether your first night away is at 6 days, 6 months or 6 years we hope you enjoy yourself and unwind as much as possible!
(header image by Brodie Vissers from Burst)
]]>Living in Canada, there can be some dilemmas like where to buy de-ice salt when it’s a skating rink outside and how to practice car seat safety with keeping your children warm in the car. Luckily, one dilemma has been addressed by local Ottawa entrepreneur Natalie Terrien from Bundle Baby! We got a chance to ask her some questions and here is what she had to say:
Tell us about the Bucket Jacket (by Bundle Baby) and how you came to develop this?
After my first pregnancy, I discovered the safety hazard of bulky jackets while researching car seats for my new baby. During my daughter’s first winter, I tried a few options for clothing; either too bulky or not practical. When my twins were born, I decided to make a jacket that sits on the OUTSIDE of the harness of the infant carrier. The harness remained snug against the babies and it was quick for me to use. I received a lot of compliments on my babies’ jackets so I decided to have it manufactured.
What are the safety rules associated with wearing puffy jackets in a car seat?
The government does not ban winter jackets in car seats, but it is highly recommended to avoid any bulky jackets or any aftermarket products (harness padding, bunting bags...) in the car seats. In a collision, the force can compress the jacket and create space between the child and the harness. This “slack” can potentially cause spinal injuries or the child can be completely ejected from the seat.
When it's so cold out, what is the best way to keep my kids warm in their car seat?
For infants in the carrier, the Bucket Jacket is a great option. The baby can wear their indoor clothing in the seat and the jacket sits over the harness. Car seat covers which sit on the seat like a shower cap are also an excellent option.
For toddlers in the 5-point convertible seat, the options are less practical, unfortunately. Fleece jackets are thin and safer than bulky jackets, but sadly fleece jackets don’t provide enough warmth outdoors, especially in Canada. To keep them warm, a poncho (which are also available through Bundle Baby), blankets or their winter jackets placed backwards over the harness are good options. Some winter jackets are better in the car seat than others. To check, place your child in the car seat wearing their winter jacket. Tighten straps. Then, take them out of the seat without loosening the straps. Remove jacket and place child in the seat and fasten harness clips once again. If you can pinch any excess webbing at the collarbone, it's too much slack and it's not recommended to use that jacket in the car seat. Personally, I prefer fleece and thin down-filled jackets.
What age can my kids start using the Bucket Jacket?
The Bucket Jacket comes in one size and will fit a baby the entire time they’re in the infant carrier (ie. “bucket seat”). The sizing was designed to accommodate babies that would be in infant carrier two winter seasons. Ideally, the baby should be at least 5kg (10lbs) because the jacket will fit big.
Huge thanks to Natalie for all this great information and creating such an important product for Canadian families! Now if only we had something to get your child to want to sit in their car seats….
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But what if the one thing you wanted to get done that day was draft a business plan? Hit launch on your first startup idea? Sell a product or service you created from scratch?
For many women who can take a leave after baby arrives, thinking about running a business is far far far from their mind. Those people are smart people. Realistic people. I can’t underscore enough - SMART, people. But some of us just need more gasoline (I see you Daddy Yankee) and decide to spend our maternity leaves dreaming up and launching new ventures. Such is the the story of our own business, Mom Friends.
If you’re looking for all the reasons you shouldn’t start a business while on maternity leave, this isn’t the post for you. Trust me, there are tons of reasons not to, and you probably won’t know for sure if entrepreneurialism will pair nicely with your parental duties until you’re in it… but never say never, it just may be the right time to give it a try.
If you want to dive in like we did here are some ‘you go girl’ ‘I dare you’ ‘come to the dark side, you know you want to’ type affirmations.
Here are all the reasons you should totally (maybe) start a business while on leave:
Maybe you are one of the lucky ones whose baby has some semblance of a sleep schedule.
‘If you want something done ask a busy person,’ Since becoming a mom my time management skills are on. Point. Having no time can force you to prioritize and if being an entrepreneur is a life goal it could be a good time to prioritize it.
Our whole business started because we felt first-hand that we didn’t have enough information or access to postpartum care and products. Enter, the post-bump essentials. Maybe you will be inspired as you come to know yourself as a parent to solve a new problem like we were.
Sometimes singing Old McDonald a dozen times in a row is super zen, but it’s ok to crave more mental stimulation. Scratch that itch! I began listening to hands-free startup podcasts while breastfeeding non-stop. It hit the spot and I returned to Old McDonald with more enthusiasm than ever!
Nuff’ said. Maybe you have an idea that really connects with the market and you’ll bring in some extra dough to cover the nauseating cost of childcare if/when you return to your day job!
Hey, maybe this new business is just what you need to NOT return to your day job. #lifegoals.
Being a parent can be incredibly rewarding. You’re raising the next generation! Launching a business can keep that warm feeling of purpose in what you do flowing. It’s all good baby, baby!
Good luck to all the moms thinking about starting up! The best news is that you’re not alone: Over 950,000 women in Canada are self-employed. More good news? Female-owned businesses are growing as a proportion of all businesses, and their revenues are on the rise, too.
If you take this leap you will find a community of people to cheer you on and support you along the way (including us, drop us a line: hello@momfriends.ca). In the meantime though, don’t forget that you already have incredible entrepreneurial skills launching your baby into the world and ensuring they survive and thrive every day.
One final warning: If the one-thing-per-day you do is business related the laundry mountain will grow to become a hazard to your children.
You got this.
Marielle and Thérèse are my new favourite people - what we thought would be an intimidating foray into the world of retail negotiations quickly transformed into sharing stories about our children, learning about what sells and what sits at the gift shop and general excitement about the Mom Friends mission.
When discussing our postpartum care kits Marielle and Thérèse had a faraway stare in their eyes and said things like ‘If this had been around when I gave birth…’ and ‘I would have bought this for my daughter to comfort her after I became a grandmother, because as a mom you always want to give your children the best and help them.’ This was just two days after mother’s day so yes I did get a bit weepy.
They loved the adult diapers, they loved the pads, they agreed that witch hazel and Tucks can be extremely relieving for swelling ‘down there.’ And then Marielle noticed the newest addition to our postpartum care kits, and things got intense, real quick.
The newest addition to our kits which Marielle is so excited about is none other than a chocolate bar from Hummingbird Chocolate. THE Hummingbird Chocolate who were recently crowned the best chocolate makers. In the world. AND they have an ‘Oh Mama’ bar - some things are meant to be.
Not only are they the best, they’re local, calling Almonte Ontario home after travelling and living around the world. In starting up Mom Friends we have had the pleasure of working with and supporting several local businesses, and we’re thrilled to add this one to the roster (and bring all the delicious to all the moms).
Back to the gift shop scene, superstar volunteer Marielle has been raving about Hummingbird for 20 minutes, telling us an elaborate and endearing story of how owner Erica welcomed her group of friends for a tour of the chocolate making process at their shop just days after they had been awarded their top-of-the-world prize. At a time when their shelves were bare from a flood of orders from around the globe - when Erica could have cut the chit-chat to focus on making more of the chocolate that was flying off their shelves - she took the time to get to know Marielle and her friends and to share her passion for the craft. That’s a good neighbour, and that’s what supporting local looks like.
As a mom-to-be expecting my first baby within a month of Mother’s Day the expectation is giddiness, joy and excitement. The reality is morning sickness, pregnancy diabetes and high blood pressure! Even with all that I am filled with equal amounts of wonder & fear for the life growing inside me and overwhelmed with the unbelievable love and affection I already feel for this child and all the Mother’s Days I will now get to celebrate with this little one! - Keisha
I envisioned for some time what becoming a mom would look like and feel like. I could not have been more surprised with what it actually has felt and looked like. Becoming a mom has been beautiful, unpredictable chaos. There is no other way to explain it. At the same time, I knew I would love her deeply. Yet I love her even more than that. It's like a whole new dimension of love I never knew existed. - Sheena
I find Mother's Day bittersweet. After experiencing both pregnancy and infant loss, the road to motherhood has not been easy. However, I cherish the handful of dandelions and drawing from my little love this year and will squeeze him tight. I am so thankful that I get to be his mom. - Rachel
I'm my son's Mummy, my wife is his Mama. Double the mothers, double the Mother's Day? Not exactly. I imagine it’s like twins sharing a birthday. You want a special day to yourself? Too bad - you share the day. And not necessarily equally. How could I compete for praise against my son's birth mother for our first Mothers’ Day? She's a great mom. She endured 41+ weeks of pregnancy and then there was that labour... She was obviously deserving of more appreciation than me on our first Mothers’ Day. But we'll get to share it more equally this year, right? Right? - Heather
Well, Mother’s Day is nice & it is lovely to be remembered, but being a mother is wonderful thing and it is every day. You become one as soon as you have a baby and it does not end. Your children’s requirements change as they age but they never stop needing you. It is wonderful to see your children reflected in your grandchildren. And these are the children that a grandmother simply loves & spoils - no discipline required! - Catherine
Even though I’m not a mom, when my friends started having babies I quickly learned that it’s easy to be a ‘mom friend’ - all it means really is supporting your friends....and playing with babies! - Sarah
Whether you’re high tea-ing, low riding, or tip-toeing through the tulips, Happy Mother’s Day!
Xoxo,
Liz, Aviva and Lisa
Preparing for birth and parenting is like preparing for a holiday and not knowing whether you are headed to Greenland or the Bahamas!
No, most people don't talk about this side of the postpartum experience. They tend to fill you with sunshine and rainbows about the delight of newborn snuggles and what a magical time it is in your life to welcome a new baby home.
But there is very little that feels magical about having to carry an inflatable donut around with you to sit on. It’s hard to revel in the “magic” of soaking your torn lady bits in epsom salt sits baths, or watching your nipples be stretched Gumby style in the flanges of an electric pump. I felt like my life was falling apart before my eyes and the process by which it rebuilt was slow, and the trade-offs (though they are entirely worth it) were not immediate, nor were they obvious in those early days.
Compounding these issues of course is that motherly guilt born alongside your child telling you “if you really loved your baby you would be happy”. I felt so many things in those first few weeks at home, but happy wasn’t really one of them. I felt tidal waves of responsibility. I felt deep appreciation for my husband. I felt wonder over my daughter and the fact that I grew her inside me. And I felt pity, heaps and heaps of pity for my broken self.
I am an athlete and I felt in tune with my body. But I did not know the body I was living in postpartum. Everything swelled and ached. My entire undercarriage was just so sore. My skin broke out, my hair fell out, my breasts solidified to rocks, and my stomach felt like jello. I had PTSD every time I needed to take a bowel movement and the bags under my eyes looked like the before picture in an anti-drug PSA. I remember looking in the mirror and wondering if I would ever be ok with what was looking back at me again.
And breastfeeding. The single hardest thing I have ever done in my life. And nobody told me that either. My baby did not in fact crawl direct from my womb and self latch onto my breast as advertised. It was hard work to establish that relationship. And it’s a lot of work for most of us, but nobody told me that so I felt like I was failing because it didn’t just “happen” for me.
My love affair with my daughter started many weeks after her birth.
The transformation and in some cases decay, of my body, love life, social existence, physical freedom, and mind, was too much at the forefront before then for me to really see her, to really appreciate her. And I guess I’m writing this because nobody told me that and I want every new Mom to know it’s okay to feel that way.
It’s okay to have to mourn your old life before you rejoice in your new one. It’s okay to be angry and resentful about the state of your body before you are grateful for what it’s given you. It’s okay to be scared about the hurricane of change before you can truly embrace your new reality. It’s more than okay, it’s entirely normal.
Here is another truth I can share; the harsh reality of postpartum healing, both body and mind, is finite. You will journey through it in your own time, and find joyful motherhood on the other side. I am living proof of this.
I love my daughter in a powerful and surreal way that has entirely redefined me. Her smile soothes all the heartaches I’ve ever carried. She is so overwhelmingly worth every single struggle I have endured to be a mother. I feel a sense of peace about my purpose and my contribution to the world because she exists. And these, these are the truths that make all the “nobody told mes” pale in comparison.
-Emma
]]>Three hundred and sixty-five days ago we held our breaths, closed our eyes and hit publish on our postpartum care kit eCommerce site with one mission in mind: Supporting women and their families through post-bump rest and recovery.
To say we are just as excited and overwhelmed today is an understatement - and it’s all thanks to you our dear customers, family and friends who believe in our mission as much as we do.
Photo Credit: Grey Loft Studio
Community is the best, you guys.
Our kits reach across Canada, but the Mom Friends team calls Ottawa home. We have always loved this city, but launching our business has opened our eyes to so much good that people are doing every single day. We are inspired and uplifted by hard-working entrepreneurs, community groups, moms and dads, and birth practitioners we now get to count as friends. Thank you for sharing your dreams with us. Without these amazing partners, amazing customers and amazing community all of this hard work wouldn’t be half as fun!
One important need leads to another
In the past year the statistic ‘one in four pregnancies ends in loss’ has hit very close to home. When we launched we had some sense that that pregnancy and infant loss was an incredibly painful and present reality for many families, but we couldn't foresee just how much loss our close friends and family could suffer in just the span of a few months. It has been really, really rough. We knew that we had to get more involved in this issue for our own healing and to try to help other families feel more supported as well.
Thanks to serendipity and the tireless commitment of Rachel Samulack of The Butterfly Run Ottawa/Gatineau, an introductory email turned into a coffee date, which turned into a grant application which has helped us to make the local Butterfly Box initiative a reality. The Ottawa/Gatineau Butterfly Box is a small gesture to help bereaved parents feel the support of community as they grieve their loss. We are so honoured to be a part of this initiative and to have the opportunity to put some of our own grief energy to good. We’re very proud that over 60 boxes have been distributed to bereaved families to-date. Learn more about them here.
Photo Credit: Annie Carrier Photographe Lifestyle
(Mom) Friends First
This biz grew out of friendship: The friendship that the three of us have and the ones we know our customers have with their soon-to-be and re-mom friends.
Photo Credit: Grey Loft Studio
As we dig into our 30s, life feels more complicated than ever and we have realized it’s time to really hold onto those friendships that go the distance (hold on for dear life some days). You know, the friends that are as authentic and unconditional AF. The kind of friends that say “Hey, I care enough that I would gift you adult diapers and mental health information so that you feel cared for after you deliver - and yes you can talk to me about every beautiful and scary detail!” Read all about our own diaper adventures in our very first blog!
Xoxo
Aviva, Lisa & Liz
Co-Friends
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In true grade-2 book report fashion I have turned to Webster for answers: Guilt is defined as an emotional feeling that you are doing something wrong, whether true or not.
This feeling isn’t new but since becoming a mom the intensity of guilt I can feel has reached new heights. When it comes to the job of parenthood the stakes feel so high and even the simple decisions feel like they will impact my children forever. Just as pregnancy brain turns into mom brain, run of the mill entire-bag-of-popcorn-for-lunch guilt turns into #momguilt, at least for this gal.
Committing to return to working mom status now feels just as tough as the first time. The debate rages on, my friends. The last time around I was excited to be back at my previous role as a facilitator however I think it was pretty obvious to everyone that I was leaving someone very special at home. I found myself kicking off each course I delivered with “I have been away for a year, at a very different job with a different boss, on call 24/7, that job being a full-time mom.” Super endearing and relatable for the 20 year old recent finance grad hires, right?
If guilt is irrational then I guess it makes sense that even though I know returning to work is right for me I can’t shake the #momguilt. My brain continues to work, worry, rinse repeat about this big change and what it means for me, my husband and our girls.
#Momguilt can be a nagging, never-ending, all-consuming kind of feeling. Even if you’re a mom who doesn’t feel guilty about heading back to work (umm own it that’s awesome!), I can assure you the ‘return to work’ specimen feels a lot like how it feels when you take an extra second before addressing a poosplosion, or when you let your baby cry for a couple of minutes before going to get him/her (maybe while writing a blog post about #momguilt for example…). I guess there is comfort in consistency.
“Going back to work, you are supporting your daughter, just in a different way”.
A mom friend imparted those words on me as I returned to work after my first maternity leave. It’s a kind of mantra I would repeat in the bathroom when I checked in with myself and felt the guilt monster over my shoulder. As I return to work I’m thinking about how many other moms and dads are doing the same and I just wish you all a transition that is as guilt-free as possible. Be kind to yourselves, we’ll get through this together!
Xoxo, Aviva
It’s a decision I have put off for 10 whole months as I faced other tough choices like ‘How much spaghetti sauce on my sweater is too much to be seen in public?’ and, ‘What is the appropriate age to take your kid to the dentist for the first time?’ (unsolved mystery to this day).
Let’s just say that this big decision around how to get back to the office has been conveniently in the back of my mind. Like a little, annoying and doomy pea in the princess bed that I don’t really get much sleep in anymore.
I am so lucky to be a mom. My girls are amazing and I love spending time with them. But this experience of motherhood and maternity leave comes with its fair share of struggle and toil. That’s the gig and I’m more than happy about it, but you’ll never again hear me refer to it as ‘a year off’.
Seeing is believing: Parenting is hard work. We love this video from Motherly that shows how the ‘stay at home parents’ (in this case the mother’s) job is constant, around the clock and pretty exhausting at times. Caring for another person is a joy but let’s also acknowledge that it’s some of the most important work there is, and it can be tough sometimes.
Ya, I’m pretty tough I lift babies on the regular.
My mom stayed at home with my three siblings and I. I value that she was able to dedicate so much time for myself and siblings. But, this other path that I’m taking feels very unfamiliar, and I don’t think I’m alone.
According to Statistics Canada the year I was born (1985, y’all) just under 70% of women were active in the labour market. That number has grown by ten points to just over 80% today. That 10% difference is literally my mom not working while raising kids and me doing the opposite while raising mine.
For those of us in that 10%, this shift feels especially tough to navigate. We aren’t raising our kids as we were raised. We don’t know what this is supposed to look like. I can’t believe I’m typing this but in 2018, many of us are still feeling an impact.
According to the OECD in 1971 in Canada maternity leave came into effect - a whopping 15 weeks total. In 1990 the number of weeks grew to the number of weeks we have today. But you know what? While we may have earned more time off, the earnings of a parent on leave also declined with the increase in time from 75% to today’s 55% of total insurable earnings.
Will my children be happier with me? Will I be happier at home with them?
‘Should I just stay at home?’ In a way it just feels like the easy and simple thing to do. But it’s not, and it doesn’t seem like it will ease up any time soon.
For now, I’m going back to work. It’s hard to admit but for me I think I’m a better mom when I’m working my 9-5. I cherish and live in the moment with the time I get to spend with my girls and I’m not sure that would be true if I took more time.
But the debate will persist. I’ll be worrying and wondering if this is the right decision probably for the rest of my life. But sometimes you just need to decide, you know? Go with you gut? Something like that?
I know I’m not alone. I guard my Tuesday nights with my life so that I can catch #workinmoms on CBC with a glass of wine to laugh/cry into.
I also continue to be inspired by my mom and all of my girlfriends who are choosing their paths through all this: working, running businesses, having kids, not having kids… everyone inspires me in their own way, and it makes for an interesting get together to share updates on what each other’s path is really like.
For this next month I’m going to parent the %$^& out of my day to day with my girls. And when it’s time I’m going to suit up and kill it in the boardroom once again. There is a time for everything and whether or not women’s choices have shifted over time I’m going to continue to do my best with what I have.
Xoxo, Aviva
]]>In Week One I remember waking up in a puddle of milk... several times. Finally I mentioned it to mom friend Aviva. “Yeah, you need to wear a bra and nursing pads to bed. You got some in the postpartum care kit I gave you” Ohhhhh. I was to be one of the lucky ones with milk coming in. Like, lots. Little did I know the first time I slipped those babies in my bra that I would wear nursing pads for the next two years of my life.
(our favourite Google image search result for 'leaky boobs' mra mra)
Right after my son was born, he was fine eating from one side, but we just couldn’t get the hang of it on the other. For three days, every nurse on duty in the Mother-Baby-Unit tried to help, but to no avail. My right boob was rock-hard and my baby was hungry, so the work-around was to expel into a sterile cup, and feed my newborn with a syringe. Oh, the glory of such a natural process right?
About a week later, and following a visit from a Public Health nurse (they're awesome and free, call them), we had gotten the hang of it and my poor right boob had been relieved.
Like most newborns, my son ate all the time. And he cluster-fed on and off for I can’t remember how long. A month? Two? All I know is that it was always in the evening, lasted about three hours, and made me feel really crabby. I don’t know if cluster-feeding was an occurrence within Millenial-babies (ugh, milennials), but my mother and mother-in-law had no idea what I was talking about. “Well you never did that. I’ve never even heard of it, but I’m sure it’s fine!” Great, thanks.
My son figured out the whole sleeping thing very quickly, and by six weeks, he was pretty much sleeping through the night (!!) This amazing development came with one slight caveat: no more night-feed so he was literally starving before bed and right when he woke up. My body just never learned to keep up. So for six months, I woke up at 4am to pump, so that my son could have a nightly bottle. It worked out well once we figured that out. Bonus: We always had extra milk on-hand if I ever ventured out of the house, sans-bébé.
Looking back, I should have invested in a good breast-pump. What I used was an electric hand-me-down single-pump, and it did the trick, but very slowly. It took about 45 minutes to complete the job. Honestly, I hadn’t thought about breast-pumps at all during my ninth-month mom-prep. Turns out, it was one of my essentials. Another essential – a “milk-catcher” – a small container that attached to my free boob while I breast-fed, and caught all the rogue milk that flowed during letdown. I had never even heard of such a thing, before a friend with the same challenge mentioned their existence.
That 4am milk was liquid gold, and if ever something happened to it, I would freeeeak. A couple times, I knocked it over on the night stand. Once, my husband didn’t tighten the bottle cap and poured it all over our son. And once, I was so tired, instead of putting the bottle into the fridge, I straight-up dumped it down the sink. And then I cried. (That was a bad day). If you feel an urge to protect your milk with your life I totally feel you - and most other moms will too.
In September 2016, I went back to work. My son was one and we were down to one feed a day – right before bedtime. My intention was to take a stand and cut him off around that time, but I didn’t want to affect his excellent sleep-schedule, and there was something kind of nice about putting him to bed every night for our special time. He’d always ask for milk, so I just kept feeding him, and we went on like this for another year.
By the summer of 2017, I didn’t feel badly about taking an occasional night off from breast-feeding, for the purpose of my social life, and he seemed okay with it. It was happening slowly, but my not-so-little boy was getting closer to fully weening. One night in late September of this year, I asked him if he would rather cuddle or have milk. “Cuddle mummy,” he said, and we’ve never looked back.
My two years of breastfeeding felt kind of long, but whatevs, you know? Through this whole saga I have learned to really go with the 'flow'. It’s just what we did, and though it was rough sometimes, it felt right. Breastfeeding, formula-feeding, on a sched, on-demand – do what works for you and your kid.
And try not to stress – you’ll both figure out this whole feeding thing eventually. You'll also figure out ending feeding thing when it's time (and not a day sooner).
]]>One of our favourite things about Mom Friends is that the nature of what we do is about women supporting women through the highs and lows of this crazy and unpredictable thing called life. As we learned this year, having a baby is just the beginning.
We’re trying to figure all of this out like everyone else, but we thought we’d share four resolutions based on what we have learned this year and what we hope to start, stop, continue or change in 2018.
Judging by all the F-U 2017 hashtags and poo-emoji themed messages flooding our phones this week it seems that last year was kinda rough (right?!). Unfortunately crappy personal circumstances flew at us in 2017 and we have been supporting one another in ways that go well beyond a regular ol’ business partnership. If friendship in our 20s was measured by number of drinks and scale of dance floor shenanigans, it is now measured in texts, meals, hugs and pints of tears from ugly crying together. We are begging for less crap in 2018 but we know our ‘being there’ skills have come a long way thanks to so much practice.
Given the nature of our business and our side project (Butterfly Box Ottawa-Gatineau), this year we learned so much about stigma around women’s physical and mental health and pregnancy and infant loss. We’re totally still beginners but we’ll continue to challenge ourselves to learn more and to speak up with our peeps if and when we are concerned for them this year.
On the lighter side, there is nothing richer than sharing a humorous, relatable mom meme at 2:30AM with a gal pal. Even in the tough times and busy times and stressful times let’s find more moments to share a laugh through 2018.
In 2017 some big, awesome things took shape for people in our lives: new babies, new jobs, weddings, new businesses… There were also thousands of beautiful small wins like sleeping through the night (that one time), discovering the world’s best cappuccino, and those rare but oh so sweet random hangs with friends - you know, the unplanned ones that just sorta happen? Gawd we love that stuff SO much. High five y’all, keep it coming. The wins big and small and the celebration of it all.
We’d like to cap off this post with gratitude. Thank you for your support this past year as we dreamed, conspired and launched Mom Friends. Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking this journey with us!
Merry Christmas.
-Lisa
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When my husband told me that for Christmas all he asked for were restaurant gift cards and babysitting I was beyond excited! It’s easy to spend so much time and brain space on our children that we often forget about ourselves. And I mean our selves. Who we are, how we came to be and why we’re still in this together after all these years.
Being partnered with children in the mix can sometimes feel like a co-worker situation rather than a deeply connected, loving relationship. I wish it weren’t true but through the marathon of having a 7 month old at home, being an entrepreneur, taking care of your toddler outside of daycare hours, making supper and doing laundry it’s understandable that most evenings are about laying down and prioritizing sleep over quality hangout time together.
When those moments of calm do come they are a serious blessing. Maybe it’s cuddling up on the couch when the littles are asleep. Or sometimes it comes at the cost of babysitting and a dinner night out. I mean getting out of the house, digging out the fancy clothes we rarely wear and actually having a conversation that doesn’t revolve around poop schedules and toddler tantrums. Going back to a time before children.
Taking the time to do these things is worth it - a wise investment.
I am thankful every day for the family I have and my super supportive husband. I am extra thankful when I get to spend time with them and when my partner and I can invest in ourselves a bit too. Well, it seems like so long ago for me but I cherish how our relationship has grown over the 14 years we have been together. Look at us so young and carefree!
Partying (studying?) in university, having a long distance relationship, getting married, moving homes and then having kids. We owe it to ourselves to celebrate all this when we can and what better excuse than over the holidays.
So no I don’t need anything for Christmas (Hanukkah)…. But you.
Xoxo
-Aviva]]>Where did this idea come from?
We always knew as Mom Friends that we would develop a special resource for families experiencing these devastating losses. By the time we launched the Mom Friends postpartum care kits in April, we had seen many close loved ones experience miscarriage and stillbirth. We felt helpless to offer support beyond a hug and saying "I'm sorry, this sucks". Miscarriage has also hit close to home for the Mom Friends team with Aviva miscarrying in her first pregnancy, and Lisa losing her pregnancy in May - just one month after we launched our business.
We began talking to our friends in grief to ask, ‘what would you include in a resource box for bereaved parents?’ We took notes. A lot of notes. And we cried. And we still cry. And that’s ok.
Then we met Rachel and immediately we knew that collaboration was a must. Rachel and her partner have experienced two tragic losses. Much like Mom Friends, Rachel doesn’t shy away from stigmatised issue - she leans in. Along with her team of volunteers Rachel recently organized Ottawa’s first Butterfly Run, engaging over 400 community members to walk or run in memory of their losses and to grow awareness of pregnancy and infant loss in our city.
Rachel sat down with us one night over ice cream to scheme together a JustChange grant proposal. It turns out, it made the cut and we received funds from this awesome community group to get started!
What have we learned so far?
We have learned that pregnancy and infant loss is very common, and often the causes are unknown. We have learned that the experience is painful and unfortunately it remains largely stigmatised. Many people don’t know what to say or do to offer comfort to bereaved families. We have also learned to walk beside families who have arrived to our doors for the first Butterfly Boxes. It is nothing like when we gift a happy, empowering postpartum care kit. It’s raw, bittersweet and an honour to hand a Butterfly Box to a grieving parent.
We have also learned that the conversation is changing. There is a momentum, energy and enthusiasm for this project which has harnessed the efforts of birth practitioners, grieving parents writing sympathy cards, and a willingness of many to share the story of Butterfly Boxes to help spread the word. Basically, it’s going really well so far!
We are partnered with generous distributors who are in the local birth and parenting community. Visit the Butterfly Box page to learn more.
I've heard so many great things about doulas! What do they do and why would someone hire one?
Hiring a doula is a personal choice, with reasons unique to every individual expecting a baby. As a doula, I feel my role is to support a family in THEIR choices around pregnancy, birth and postpartum. As I get to know a family and their wishes, I provide them with evidence based information to help them make the most informed choice for themselves and their baby. Prenatally we talk about their hopes for their birth, their worries and fears around birth and postpartum. Often having someone that will hear their concerns and reassure them that all that they are feeling is OK, can really help alleviate some of the anxiety around giving birth. During the birth, some women find they benefit from having very hands on physical support from both their partner and a doula, some prefer less hands on and more emotional support, some prefer both! And doulas are there to support partners too! Some partners would like to be very involved in the hands on support. In that case, we are there for additional hands on support, to give the partner a break, and for emotional support for both parents!
What's a postpartum doula and how can they help?
A postpartum doula is there to support the family after the birth of the baby. Postpartum is a time of incredible transition, a time to bond as a family and a time for mom to heal. A postpartum doula is there to help that process in whatever way they can. It can be as emotional support for mom as she sheds tears of joy, sadness and overwhelm; holding the baby while mom goes to take a shower or a nap; prepping some meals for the family so there is nurturing food easily available while the family takes the much needed time to be together and adjust to their new normal; providing basic feeding support for mom and baby or even simply connecting the family to all the available resources in our community for families.
How can doulas help if I plan on getting medical interventions?
Many people will say that they do not plan on hiring a doula because they are planning to get an epidural. We are there to support you no matter what your birth preference! In most cases, the epidural will not be given at the hospital until the active stage of labour. Getting to the active labour stage can take a long time, and early labour can be very hard, tiring work. A doula will have a many ways to emotionally and physically support this stage. After the epidural has been placed, a doula still provides a great deal of support. There are many positional changes and suggestions that can be provided with an epidural, continued emotional support, and support during the pushing stage. The epidural is designed to remove the sensation of pain, but other sensations of birth like pressure as the baby descends can still be felt!
How is a doula involved if I have a c-section?
Whether you have a scheduled c-section, or an intervention by c-section during birth is necessary, a doula will be there for support. Some hospitals are now allowing a doula to accompany the family in the Operating Room (OR). Even if we are not permitted into the OR, we will be there during the pre-operation stage to support you and answer questions, and after the baby is born to support the family in the initial hours after birth.
Big thanks to Sarah! So consider getting a doula to take care of you so you can take care of baby. I can say from chatting with Sarah that she’s awesome and I wish I could hire someone just like her for life (life doula?)!
Cover Photo Credit: Grey Loft Studio
]]>What is Baby Box?
This tradition of the Baby Box started over 75 years ago in Finland. Finland was suffering with a high infant mortality rate at the time and researchers found that SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) was a major cause. New and expecting parents were therefore given a Baby Box by the state that served as a starter kit for their new baby and a safe place for their baby to sleep. The Baby Box itself was lined with a mattress and could be used as the child's first bed. So it seems like Finland got it right. Way to go Finland!
How did Baby Box arrive to Canada?
The Baby Box Company has brought the Finnish tradition to North America, FREE for all new and expecting parents. In Canada the box is available in every province (hopefully the territories soon!).
The Baby Boxes come with free products for baby care and development, but the primary purpose of the program is to provide a safe sleep space for all infants regardless of socioeconomic status and to engage as many parents as possible in a supportive community.
I’m interested! Where can I pick one up?
Until what age can a baby sleep in them?
Babies can use them for sleep until they are around 5 months of age, depending on the size of the baby.
What is Baby Box University?
Baby Box University is an educational service provided by The Baby Box Co. in coordination with committed medical professionals, maternal health advocates, and child development specialists for the purposes of reducing infant mortality and empowering parents. Baby Box University is committed to recreating this universal access to vital education materials and healthcare consultation. You can meet Baby Box University faculty, ask questions, talk with other parents and access their resources all from the comfort of home (for FREE!)
Big thanks to Kim! If you’re expecting and lucky enough to live in an eligible province you will definitely want to get a box! They make a convenient and safe space for your baby to sleep and when your baby has outgrown it you can store precious items (like your child's keepsakes, or your wine stash). Win. Win.